You know your business better than anyone, but when you’re in the weeds, it’s difficult to zoom out and shift perspective.
There is an epidemic of loneliness among leaders, and the forces that fuel it are insidious. Executives spend their careers climbing ladders of success. They achieve results and recognition through hard work, grit, and collaboration. But when they reach the top of the ladder they realize, ironically, they are more alone than ever. Unable to confide in board members or senior executives for fear of losing trust and hesitant to alert direct reports to sensitive challenges, leaders often work through problems in a vacuum. Even the most inclusive leader can feel isolated and stuck.
Well-known executives have written about the loneliness epidemic, from Apple’s Tim Cook to Starbucks’ former CEO Howard Schultz. It is crucial for leaders to combat loneliness without jeopardizing personal and organizational goals. These steps are for leaders who want to change this paradigm:
BUILD YOUR PERSONAL BOARD
Identify people outside your organization in whom you can honestly and confidentially confide. These individuals become thought partners and sources of out-of-the-box solutions. They are agenda-less sounding boards to help refine ideas and identify landmines or unforeseen consequences. Here’s where you can start your search:
Hire a career coach: It’s a great investment. Find someone who believes in you but will challenge you and identify paths you have not explored.
Reach out to peers with similar roles outside your immediate field: Comb through your network and third-party resources and reach out to schedule informal meetings. Check your ego at the door and start these valuable conversations. And don’t just ask for advice! Offer your engagement—you may be surprised by an overwhelmingly positive response.
Open up to trusted friends for recommendations: Friends who know you well may know people outside your network who could be strong informal advisors. Find open and daring thinkers from different professional and personal backgrounds and demographics.
Seek out mentors: These might be former professors or managers, speakers who impress you, or professionals who you’ve admired from afar. Reach out directly or get introduced through mutual connections.
In my work advising and coaching CEOs, the “Aha!” moments that are generated from our conversations and the creativity that is sparked through our ongoing dialogue are inspiring. But the work starts with you.
ACKNOWLEDGE PAINS, PROBLEMS, AND CHALLENGES (PPCs)
You know your business better than anyone, but when you’re in the weeds, it’s difficult to zoom out and shift perspective.
Label PPCs: In his 2011 book Creative People Must Be Stopped, David A. Owens proposes six “innovation constraints:” Individual, group, technology, societal, organizational, and industry constraints prove time and again to stymie progress. Identifying which constraints lie at the root of PPCs enables you to focus on problem-solving. Then, you can better aim your resources at achieving resolutions.
Don’t problem-create; problem-solve: Problem-solvers notice the challenges ahead of them and, rather than wringing their hands, set immediately to strategizing. They put a name (see above) to their pain points and work through solutions strategically with thought partners.
Keeping such ideation in rarified air, however, won’t do anything for your business or your stress.
IMPLEMENT CREATIVE SOLUTIONS
When I experience a breakthrough with a senior leader, we immediately shift to action items rooted in the here and now, the who and how.
Focus on your internal team: Can Person(s) A implement a solution to address PPC A? Can Person(s) B compile research to alleviate PPC B? If you need outside support, ask your personal board to connect you with the right experts.
Listen to internal feedback: A leader can always learn—from the newest hire and from the most seasoned expert. Create safe spaces for your team to express their ideas. Be open and receptive to feedback.
Growth is uncomfortable: Trust your instincts and embrace the sticky. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to have to change course. Trust that you will figure it out. Know you are supported.
BE OPEN TO VULNERABILITY
I have been tremendously inspired and impacted by the pioneering work of researcher/storyteller Brené Brown. We’re hardwired for connection, Brown explains in her classic book Daring Greatly. “[T]he level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable,” she writes, “is a measure of our fear and disconnection.” It all comes down to being vulnerable.
Ignore fear: Fear makes us disengage. It makes us spiral.
Embrace being vulnerable (and a little uncomfortable): Vulnerability is the most trustworthy path to self-actualization as a leader. It’s the process by which you become open to building your personal board, asking for help, and noticing when you need to pivot.
Foster I-You relationships (a.k.a., people are people): Finding ways to create safe spaces with trusted confidantes and advisors isn’t just “nice to have;” it’s a must for successful leaders. In her work, Brown discusses philosopher Martin Buber’s framework of I-it vs. I-you relationships. I-it relationships are transactional; I-you ones are authentic, building trust and connection.
Be a radical people-person: It may sound silly, but we all forget that the people who surround us—especially those who are challenging us—are more than titles and collections of skill sets, demands, and KPIs. It’s hard to view them as allies. But they are. People will help you solve any problem. But you have to build the relationship first.
Leaders have the power to transform the narrow ladder of success into a wide, expansive staircase where others can rise up. There, at the top of the staircase, the possibilities are endless.
